Love, life and break-up

Love, life and break-up

Love, Life, and Break-up.

Once in a while life throws us off gear just like a brake failure or an oil leak where a car has to come to a full halt, get the servicing done overall, and only then restart. Similarly, when you have a breakup in your love life all seems to be lost, everything seems to come to an end, all that made you happy suddenly seems so meaningless.

 Even if your deep romantic love affair was for few days, few weeks, few months, or few years the impact and intensity of that hit you in a very similar way. There is a break in the love routine and everything seems very out of place. Each time you try and realign and get yourself back to normalcy, some words, some situation, some song, some smell, or some visual takes you back to those lovely moments that you shared with that “once” so intimate someone.

Actually, many wise people say “Falling in love”, instead we should say “Rising in love” because I am sure each one of us who has fallen in love at least once, may only have experienced euphoric and heightened-self when love lasted.

Then, when the same love moves away, which is referred to as “Break Up”, which in actual- is everything inside and outside of you that has broken down.

One can actually imagine a broken dream and experience the devastation, rejection, and dismay all at once. One loses sight of reality and everything around also seems like a lost cause. What if we were to look at the other side of the coin?

This break down probably happened because you are inclined to experience something or someone else in life. But this realization comes only when some time has passed and we are analyzing all that has happened to us. We are obviously not able to see immediate benefits or the positive aspects of whatever has happened.

So, I am actually going to help you see what really can exist for us on the other side.

One should remember we have a 100% right on our entire life and we also have the choice to make mistakes, accept them, make changes, apologize and one fine day decide to move on, which is the True Essence of life.


Clarity of thought and the choices you make.

Once the breakup pain is over, you tend to start analyzing the event and people involved and learn to accept, from then onwards. There is more clarity in your thinking, your actions, your feelings, and what you speak. You know next time you fall in love; you are more accepting, confident, and absolutely clear of the choices that you will make in this new relationship. You will feel more in control of your expression, your emotions, and all the triggers that really bother you and probably take early steps to communicate honestly with your partner. The biggest lesson from the break-up will be absolutely crystal clear to you, and as to what you want and hence, will help you to come out to be more assertive as well as giving person.


Look at your Life as a 70 mm picture.

Sometimes relationships come to an end because of the circumstances that the two people are in. It might not necessarily be that the other person is evil or bad. People fall in and out of love and it's a part of life that you got to accept. But sadly, one realizes or understands these facts only after having faced a heartbreaking situation like that of a breakup. Breakups make you more mature and understanding of other person's problems or situation. It teaches you that life isn't always fair, not every path you walked down has a fairy tale ending. You can't control everything in life for that's just the way it is.

Is the pain really bigger than life on the Whole?

You may have heard of this wise saying that TIME heals every wound. It really does not sound a very wise statement at that time, but sooner or later your mind tends to forget incidents and people, we learn to get over the situations and somehow gather some strength to move ahead with, as normal a life as possible. Also, when you analyze the trying times of the relationship, we realize that how could we have been so stupid not to see things clearly, take the abuse in the relationship sometimes or do some very silly things that we may later regret.

But when in love we really do not see any less or more, it’s just LOVE. Though we feel less confident, lack self-worth, or feel really lousy about our own self, post the break-up, slowly we start accepting that each day of our life cannot be the same. Something that we enjoyed as a beautiful moment we spent does not exist anymore since both sides may have lost the meaning of the relationship, found newer love, a better person, better purpose, whatever, but it’s not worth wasting time anymore. In the end, one realizes that now you are more mature, more grown, and find more wisdom in the way you look at life and love.

Lean on close friends, family, or mentor.

When one is dealing with the pain of moving away from love, one bright side- is that the possibility of attracting all the best friends, mentors, and family members that you may have lost on the way.

You probably were so involved with your sweetheart that you somehow did not see the pain and pinch others felt when you were spending lesser time with them. So moral of this story is that along the path you may have faced a breakup but people who care the most will never leave you and move away. Your sibling that you always connected with, your very old buddy, and your own mentor, etc, will never move away or leave you to fend for your own feelings. So, you rest assured that you have this someone in your life on whom you can rely on to talk at any time and he/she will help you get over your broken heart.

I, me, and myself love each other.

Often, we are told that your family is your foundation, and the more love and acceptance within the family members more the trust and honesty in relationships. One thing we all forget is that family is our social unit where we will learn all this, yet when we are born, we are born alone, we tend to give our first cry alone, breath alone thereon, and eventually learn to live our life day by day with co-dependency on people around us. When we are very young babies, we refer to ourselves in the third person then by the time we are of age 10 to 12 years, we develop a sense of “I” and by the time you are an adult the “Myself”, is completely established. Hence, it’s a good idea to first learn to love ourselves and gain our own acceptance so that this establishes how others will view us. This way we become our own support first and then can emotionally reach out to secure family for further support.

A balloon floating away from you.

Remember as a child you may have experienced that the balloon that your dad or mom just purchased for you, later at some point, the string somehow slips away and you decide to finally let go of the balloon. In your mind, you truly want it back and also keep enjoying the joy of owning that balloon forever. But as all good things come to a fair end, this too just keeps going higher and eventually floats away out of your sight. Eventually, you accept the loss and then move on to something else in life. Losing the love of your life is similar', when you realize that this is not to last forever it is better to let it go.

 One cannot force someone to love you back and also you cannot force yourself to love someone, as it is love is a two-way exchange. In the end, you have to let go'. There will be memories both good and bad, lots of regrets and lots of experience too, its best to do away with your anger and bitter feelings so that you can stop hurting from within and move on. Only you can decide to pick the pieces and put your life back together so that you can look forward to a more fulfilling image of self and eventually build trust in people and relationships again.

To Conclude,

A heartbreak is a heartbreak and even though the pain is unforgettable one needs to somehow patch up with self and move on. You should remember that what happened, was no fault of yours or the other person, it simply did not work out. No situation in our life remains permanent so you must look at this as one of the many things we face in life. It was fun while it lasted and you should be sure that you will find your partner. Now next time you will be more experienced and will also know what to look for in the potential girlfriend or boyfriend.

Above anything else try and make Honesty, Open Communication and Respect the basis of your love relationship instead of just basing it on some dreamy-fluffy love. Hope the steps given above help you get over the rough patch and help you take life on a positive note.

Author: Dr Sonali Sikdar

Post date: 27th Jan, 2021


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